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Evie sometimes told me she loved me. I was never sure if she truly meant it though. We were best friends, inseparable. But I knew her sexual/romantic history, and I wasn't sure if she was the kind of girl say "I love you," to anyone, or just certain people. I said it back every time. I tried not to say it with too much emotion. We were both bisexual. I had James and she was chasing a guy named Alex. I knew we had feelings for each other, but I would never stand in the way of her happiness, so I never really showed them. Not to mention, I wasn't even sure how. James was my first and only relationship. That was all I knew. I didn't know how to express feelings for guys, let alone another female! I felt awkward and inexperienced.
There were even a couple times where we would be sunbathing and afterward shower together to save time. But that's all it was. A shower to save time. We didn't flirt or mess around, we got clean and got out.
She hit on me often and I would hit on her too. She always seemed skeptical though, like she wasn't sure if I meant what I said. I always did.
Sometimes she pissed me off, though. She liked to party a lot and have a lot of sex. That's fine and dandy as long as you're being safe, and not telling everyone your business.
She told me, proudly, that she had had sex with Lane. I high-fived her. I had sex with Lane once, a couple months after he told me how he felt. I didn't do it to cheat. I did it because I thought it would kill the pain of being cheated on again and again. It didn't. I felt guilty and told James, hence the start of our open relationship.
After the high-five, she told me Lane stayed at her house for a week and they had a week long sex fest. This shocked me. Lane may have been the kind to get plastered and MAYBE have a one-night stand, but a week long sex fest? He didn't even shag his girlfriends that often. I wasn't convinced. Though, this had been a week that I wasn't there.
Later that day, I went to Taylor's house. I asked him about it. Taylor is one of my closest friends, but we'll get into that another time.
He started laughing, hard. I blinked. "Oh! Wait, you're serious? In her fucking dreams." He said, laughing.
"Listen, Lane and I were at her house last Sunday. We got hammered and she had been hitting on him all night. Eventually he followed her into her room. Not even ten minutes later he came out and said, 'bro, let's get the fuck out of here,' and we left. That's it. She's just trying to one up you." He explained.
I shook my head and called Lane. "Hey, come to Taylor's, I brought weed."
He was there within moments.
I inquired about the situation. He laughed at first, but then realized I was completely serious. "It was a failed one night stand. I realized what I was doing, pulled out, left, and washed my dick. She's trying to make you jealous." He said with a frustrated look on his face.
"Me? I had sex with you long before she did." I said.
"I know. She's stupid. And she better not be telling everyone that."
"It's okay if you did it more than once, she's pretty you know."
"No. You're pretty, she's ratchet."
We all laughed. I felt bad laughing, but that's what she gets for lying to me.
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After spending three weeks at Evie's house, Lynn pulled her aside and told her we had to leave. It confused me, I thought we had a great thing going, and I cleaned the whole house every chance I got.
Evie explained to me that it had absolutely nothing to do with me. It was the fact I had James with me. She knew his nickname in highschool was Creeper James and she knew he was disrespectful enough to cheat on me and then try to talk me into a threesome with him and Evie. Evie not only didn't agree to the threesome, but she was repulsed by him. She told him several times, "Yeah, I'll have a threesome with you two..but I won't touch you, and you'll have to go somewhere else."
Reluctantly, we left.
I was back within 24hours. I loved being there. I had established a connection with Lynn. A connection i absolutely loved. I never had a mother growing up. She was cool and kind of "rock star" like Evie, but I also felt like she cared about me..like I was one of her own.
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It was Lane's 18th birthday. Lane and I had always been drawn to each other. He had been James' best friend since elementary. Back in January, he confessed his feelings for me, just weeks after revealing that James had been cheating on me the whole time. He was very cute and talented. Something about his talent, intelligence, and sense of humor made girls go crazy.
He was here at Evie's to do jello shots. They had spent all of the previous night preparing them. These weren't ordinary jello shots, they were Everclear jello shots.
It wasn't a huge party, just me, Evie, James, Lane, and our friend Taylor.
7 jello shots and 2 bowls later, and we're sitting squeezed on the porch swing. Everyone but James. He was being jealous that I was talking to Lane, and I didn't care.
Ever since James cheated on me, we decided to start an open relationship. My talking to Lane on his birthday was none of James' business.
I was in between Evie and Lane, staring up at the huge bright moon.
"It's so beautiful.." I mumbled.
"Yeah, it is. Can you believe we're in space right now?" He asked, looking over at me.
"No, we're not, tard. We're on Earth." Evie insisted. She was already very drunk.
"Dude, he's right. We're on earth, standing outside. Think about that. We're IN SPACE." Taylor replied.
My brain exploded. It didn't occur to me that being outside, despite having a thick atmosphere, we were indeed IN space.
Taylor and Evie wondered inside for more shots. Lane and I just sat on the swing and stared into the sky for several minutes.
He stood up and stretched. "I'll be right back, I gotta pee." He said.
I looked up at him. "I hate peeing when I drink, it goes right through me."
"I know, it sucks." He replied.
"I know, just take your drink into the bathroom." I suggested.
"No, dude. It's about the journey, not standing in the bathroom taking shots."
I started laughing. He had a point.
Lane and Taylor walked home at about 5am. They lived six blocks away. Evie and I fell asleep on the couches, and James was in the back room.
I had four jello shots in the shower that morning.


Jul. 4th, 2014 04:17 pm
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One day when James and I were at her house, she asked what our plans were for the next 24hours. We didn't have any plans but to see her.
She put a prescription bottle on the table. I glanced at it. It was adderall. Looking at it reminded me of sophomore year when my boyfriend was addicted to it, and selling it at school. I shook my head. "I'm good dude, I don't do pills." I took out my phone and did a little research. They both tried to convince me, without putting too much pressure on me. I decided to go for it. I already felt lame next to her, I didn't want to seem like I was afraid to party. Freshly turned 18 and graduated; I was not going to miss my chance. I decided to trust her and swallowed the orange pill.
Two movies in and we're "talking too much" for him to handle. He laid down in the spare room and went to sleep.
We watched eight movies and talked through all of them. We got up and cleaned, made breakfast, smoked a ton.
We looked outside. It was pouring rain. It looked like it was maybe 6am. I had no idea where my phone went. "I love the rain, especially when it's pouring. I'm the kind of girl to puddle jump." I said, feeling vulnerable.
"Let's get changed and go outside!" She said, walking to her room. I followed her in and she gave me shorts and a tank top. We put on flip flops and went outside.
Arm in arm, we took a walk around several blocks, jumping through puddles and putting our flip flops in our back pockets. We came upon a small park. It had a swingset with two swings. We sat on those swings for maybe two hours, just talking and enjoying the weather.
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Evie and I both graduated in December of 2010; a semester early. We started hanging out that May, shortly after I started smoking bud. Her mom sold it, and the house was always hazy.
It was May.. things with my boyfriend weren't going very well. We had been together two years, and I had recently found out he was cheating on me from the start.
I connected well with her because she gave me the positive attention and care that he didn't.
We would walk 5 miles to her house almost every day. We'd smoke weed and watch movies all night. Her and I clicked instantly. Aside from her beauty, there was a lot I liked about her. For one thing, she was a writer. Her grammar wasn't perfect, but you could feel the emotions settled into the ink pressed on the pages. She had such strong emotions and had really seen some darkness in those light blue eyes.
She had a dark taste in music. She loved all of the darkest, heaviest metal she could find. Tattooed and a wardrobe full of corsets, she was like a rock star to me. On top of her writing, she loved to play bass. Not to mention she was a 4th degree black belt.
Her deep love for scary movies only set me back a little. I'm a pussy, so scary movies aren't really my favorite. She always smoked with me and got me to watch them with her.
In her free time she liked getting drunk and smoking. Quite a partier, that one.
One final touch of perfection; she was an amazing cook.
I found a new best friend.
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Aside from the hallway giving off weird vibes, there were many strange happenings around the house as well. Sometimes voices could be heard if the house was quiet enough. Lynn said the house was very "busy" every mother's day. She lost her mom a few years back and they were very close. Lynn has a photo of her sitting on the edge of her mom's favorite chair. It was developed with a disposable camera; you could tell just from the quality. Next to Lynn in the photo, the seat was pressed down, like someone was sitting in it. Not just that, but there were two orbs of light in the picture. One was just above the seat. The other was where her mom's head would be if she was sitting in the chair. Every mother's day in that house, it gets much colder, no matter what the temperature is set to. You can feel wind in the hallway; it almost felt like the spirits were walking all around the living room and hallway. The cold air seemed to follow Lynn through the house.

[more later]
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Her name was Evie. (Short for Evelyn). She kissed my boyfriend in ninth grade. I broke up with him, but one year later, and we're back together.
I found her on a social networking site. I added her as a friend out of spite; to see if she was {ballsy} enough to accept.
She accepted. I noticed her profile picture looked unique. I clicked on it and scrolled through her photos. I didn't remember her being this pretty.
My boyfriend insisted that she was cool and nothing was going on. We had mutual friends, and I eventually took him to her house with me.
I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a small house, cute on the outside. The living room was painted grey with black trim. Even the furniture was black; the tables, shelves, leather couches, and lamps. Along the left wall was a series of shelves, top to bottom, side to side - filled with DVDs. They were all in order by genre. There was a small {puppet} hanging in front of the horror section. Its eyes were black with blood drawn down its face. It was wearing a hooded black robe.
Part of me felt uneasy being in here, but at the same time, it felt right. Walking down the hall toward the bathroom was what made me feel uneasy. The bathroom is painted red. Since a child, bring surrounded by red has always frightened me. It was a very classy design, with 1950's decorations hanging on the walls, but for some reason, I couldn't stand it.
Being in the hallway itself gave off an eerie feeling. It was always significantly colder than the rest of the house.
The back room was painted black. It used to be her older brother's room, and he was really into metal. That room gave me a sense of security, but the closer I got to the door, the more uneasy I felt.
There were two other rooms in the hallway. Hers and her mom's. Her mom's room was cozy. Her room was painted sky blue with black accents. I felt safe in her room, but only when she was in it.
I'm not one to believe in spirits, but I could FEEL them.
The kitchen made me a little uneasy, but only because of the stories I had heard. Her mom, Lynn, told me many stories of being home alone and experiencing odd things in the kitchen. Once she saw a figure standing right outside that kitchen window. After she told me that, I was scared to look out the window.
The basement was the worst part, but that's something I'll save for a different entry.

Big change

Jun. 21st, 2014 01:09 am
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The big move really hit me hard. I tried to stay strong; tried to make the best of what I was given. A mansion, private education, anything I wanted. But all I wanted was to go back home to my dad and my brothers. Day in and day out all I could think about was not that my life was falling apart, but that it always had been, and it was now spiraling downward, completely out of my control. I went mute for three months. I became very deeply depressed.
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I want to travel the world and make a difference to people and learn new languages and study the ocean and learn about space and take photos and tell stories...


Jun. 16th, 2014 10:02 pm
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I love the faded colors in this movie. Faded, but a little dark. It brings me peace. I find peace in darkness. Why..


elsajade: (Default)
Elsa ✨ Jade 💎

July 2014

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